Sanity Through The Open Road

"G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3" (gbodyman)
04/26/2016 at 19:27 • Filed to: GMC, Sierra, C1500, Chevrolet, Oldsmobile, Cutlass, V8, Car Culture, Car Stories

The open road has a mysterious call. If you listen a little closer, it can be very persuasive, as experience (or perhaps inexperience) shows.

In 2014, I bought a 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Brougham Sedan. It was a Canadian-market model, so it had a Chevrolet 305 V8 mated to a three-speed automatic transmission. It was fundamentally terrible. The person who was in charge of handling for the car took inspiration from a rubber dinghy, and the person in charge of rear frame rail design took inspiration from Alka Seltzer. As a result, this extremely comfortable car was not roadworthy, and my dad made sure that doing my own frame repair was verboten . I ended up giving that car away to a fellow member of Oppositelock, and the family moved west to the Okanagan valley. This gave me a chance to set things right, so I initially decided to conform to my parents’ standards.

I was on the hunt for something small, something Japanese, something frugal. Something with an engine that didn’t suck as much. Something with an aftermarket that was inexpensive, and something that was easy to fix. My only requirement was that it have a manual transmission. I bounced between Honda Civics, Nissan Sentras, Mazda Proteges, and even Toyota Echos (don’t laugh, most first-generation Scion xB performance parts bolt right on). Oh how different the end result was.

This is what I bought. Nearly two tons of American steel. It also had a 305, but eschewed the needlessly complex computer-controlled carburetor with closed-loop lambda sensing for a much simpler throttle-body injection unit. It had been sitting for over six months when I got it, and it burned through most of the half-tank of stagnant gas on the one hour drive home. It’s a two wheel drive model, so it doesn’t have the off-road chops of a K-series truck, but it’s a long-bed, so it doesn’t quite fit in with the lowered truck scene. Still, I didn’t need any of that for my plans, and at least it sounds good.

Still, there were a few problems with it. The door speakers were blown, the head unit was not up to my specifications at all, and the wheels were all corroded and ugly. I got a Kenwood unit for free from a friend, I paid what was probably far too much for a pair of Alpine Type E speakers, and I painted the wheels black. The truck now looked and felt better than ever.

You know when your parents tell you not to do something stupid, and you do it anyways? And then they start laughing at you, but only after they’ve cleaned up after your mess? Well, this is the equivalent of it. I have always wanted a Volkswagen Vanagon Westfalia, but have always been too poor. They’re apparently terrible to drive, so that pretty much quashed my desire for one. A camper insert for the bed looks extremely dorky, and is expensive. This is what happens when you decide to turn a C1500 with an ill-fitting truck cap into a camper.

On the outside, I have two hasps holding the cap’s rear window shut, and a roof vent I put in because I sealed all other openings with black GE Silicone II all-purpose sealant. Inside, I have a green shag rug, a Subaru World Rally Team flag as a curtain, two Home Depot boxes as storage, an old Coleman cooler, a Walmart air mattress, bedding from the thrift store, and tons of pillows. I have a Walkman CD player and a little battery-powered speaker for my music, and a little dollar store LED light for night time reading. Not a bad little setup, and one that I will continue to add onto.

The main thing this truck made me realize is why people buy campervans and motorhomes. The dream is close enough to smell. Pack everything up, and leave everything behind. One day, you could be grabbing breakfast in Billings, and you could be sipping martinis in Malibu the next. The possibility to see America is there, and all you need is a wad of cash and a lack of commitments. In a year and two months, when I move back across the country, I am taking this thing on a North-American tour. This is the story so far, and I hope you’re with me for the journey ahead. After all, as Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Thomas Hundal is an aspiring automotive journalist, based out of sunny Kelowna, BC, Canada. You can read more of his work on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , or follow him on Instagram (username: @g_body_man ).

DISCUSSION (4)

JRapp: now as good as new again > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
04/26/2016 at 20:03

The open road has a mysterious call. If you listen a little closer, it can be very persuasive, as experience (or perhaps inexperience) shows.

Most mysterious sounds, especially with the 305 (as experience with a 305 powered Firebird shows), end up being accessories bolted to the engine or other moving parts - AC clutch, alternator, wheel bearing, badly resurfaced flywheel, etc..

vicali > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
04/26/2016 at 23:54

We had a Westy - there is nothing terrible about driving them, stopping them, and maybe putting them out of fire- those are the things that are hard.

Also have you checked out expedition portal? Lots of ideas how to go nomad with a pickup. I would be building shelves and a bed platform to better use all that long bed goodness.. Less hobo and more safari..

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > vicali
04/26/2016 at 23:57

And the driving position is tiring if you’re driving long distances, and they’re quite slow. But other than they, they’re okay.

vicali > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3
04/27/2016 at 00:18

Pffft- who ever told you that was full of you know what.. It has captain chairs with folding armrests - ARMRESTS!

They are slow- but that is part of the character like the sign says, ‘What’s you hurry BC?’ I actually got pulled over in ours - the officer said; ‘there is such a thing as too slow.’ Haha.

You know what’s best about driving them long distances? Instant lunch/ picnic/ nap spot where ever you stop.